Hello, World.
Today, I dropped out of my scholarship program.
The same tech toxic positivity I had gone out of my way to try and dodge was present in that space.
I am striking off on my own. They told me to reapply. I don't think I will. I think instead I will do the program on my own time and not be miserable while I do it.
I wasn't expecting to be employed while this was happening. Fortunately, I am. I started a new job at the beginning of September and it's going OK. I want to focus my brain power on that and not worry too much about other things. I also want to enjoy life. I want to have time to hang out with my Free Company in Final Fantasy XIV. I want to enjoy my weekends. I want to cook nice food and share it. I want to get to know my colleagues better. I want to provide value to my employers. I just want to be normal for a bit.
I can still do the program but expecting a 6-months course to finalize in 3 is actually nuts. No shade to their ambition but I'm a pragmatist above most else and this is just wacky and unreasonable. Optimism only gets you so far; physical limits exist. And they basically "I ain't reading all of that" me after I bothered providing context for why I needed to drop. Then had the cheek to tell me to reapply.
No...I don't think I will. I can find community elsewhere. Thank you for the opportunity but it's too disorganized now and that stresses me out really badly, actually. My brain can't take not knowing what to expect.
I'm looking as well into moving to the town I went to High School in and taking my sister with me. I want to live peacefully with someone who respects me and also who I can share food with. I also would like to have the dog with me I think, she's super cute (I will post dog if this happens she's so cute you have no idea).
Just trying to enjoy the little things right now, like my favorite clothing store moving to my city! I don't have to drive 70 miles to get to it anymore! Or the other favorite store moving in across the road from them! They're both near to work so I can enjoy running my errands after my shift and not on the weekends as much. It also means I won't miss special items! They are prioritized to the store and less to the website. It's a nice change. I'm still a person. I enjoy normal people things like clothes that fit and look nice on me and feel good to wear. Or a nice new pair of earrings.
I think, because I can assume most of the people reading this are here from BSKY, that for a lot of folks, they assume all I care about is the hot topic of the day or table shaking and nothing could be further from the truth. I just normally keep these little joys to myself and in my physical journal (which I burn once full, you'll never find them because they don't exist after a while). Joy is something to be treasured and gratitude is better left off the internet normally. I do like to give people their flowers, but I normally do that directly and ask that it be kept private. I'm not a foghorn. I'm rather private, actually. But when I do share joys, like the fact that my sister in law opened her dance studio finally, no one cares. It's very strange.
I wasn't planning for this to be my first post, but it is. So here ya go. I'm a lot more normal than you probably thought. I'm not sure how weird this space will get but it's mine so I'll use it as I see fit (within reason). Anyway if you stick around, cool. If you don't that's also fine! I'm actually really easy going as long as I'm not given reasons not to be.
Anyway here's my Linkstack if you would like to bother me about a thing, that's how to do so. I check my messages as and when I can. There's two major deadlines coming up at work so I'll probably be a little quiet but I'll get back to you eventually.
Cheers, queers. (If you're not and you're reading this....why?)
